Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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