Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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