her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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