The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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