no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize