and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
