My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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