Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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