her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
