it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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