i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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