I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
