happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
