so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
