it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
