There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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