worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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