What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
40s are totally the cure
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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