Pants 0. Shit 1.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize