Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
