isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
