On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize