My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
