So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
