i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
