I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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