So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
