I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
