she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
