Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
