I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
