forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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