Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So much rum. So many feels.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
