If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
