She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
