when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
