i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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