there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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