i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
