You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
