We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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