pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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