listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
