your parents love me but you hate me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize