Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
