I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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