honey bunches of taint.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
