Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
