sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
