Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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