it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
