so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize