u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize