like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
