How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
