He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
