Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
