I want to walk on stilts...naked
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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