we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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