careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
