If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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