it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
