A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
