I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
