Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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