dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize