spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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