apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
