I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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