If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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