Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
