If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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