Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
