Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
