I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
