dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love having hate sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
