you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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