is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
