How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
