my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
