he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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