I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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