Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
