I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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